byzil: (Emote)
Who am I?

This is a question I have struggled deeply with for about eight years now. It's a difficult question to ask yourself, and an even more difficult one to answer. There is no way to sum up who somebody is within a few words, a few sentences, or even a few paragraphs or maybe even books. None the less, despite the difficulty of pegging one self's personality and desires down into something tangible and understandable, the drive to find out who one is is usually a very strong one.

In my case, doubly so.

I think I am going to break this up into multiple parts, starting with the two most important parts of my life: my draconity, and my mateship, and moving on from there. I also will be making this public, against my better judgment.. I have hidden who I am for far too long and I no longer want to live under a rock, ashamed of what people might think of me when they know who I am. This doesn't mean I will be going out of my way to take this to my family, as I know it would probably cause a massive uproar, but even if they did find it (which I don't think they ever would) I will stand by it until the day I die. Who I am, and who I love, are my choices, and will forever remain mine.

Draconity: (cut most of it because of the sheer size)

My name is Byzil Draconis Mystwing, Byzil being my given dragon name, Draconis being a random name I picked for a middle name, and Mystwing being the name I came up with to designate my mate and wing-siblings. This in itself starts off one of the most important parts of who I am: the dragon. But, what does it even mean to be a dragon? This, I think, is the single most difficult part of my life to get down to a solid, concrete answer. My past as a dragon before today is still very cloudy and difficult to discern; but it is one of my greatest desires in life to feel more alive and associated with this part of me than any other. Coming to understand draconity is something very difficult and something that has many roadblocks.. to know that a soul of something as pure and true as a dragon resides within you is one of the most magnificent feelings, but knowing that you can't fully reach into that part of yourself is one of the most frustrating.

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I think it is paramount for myself, as well as other dragons, to always remember that the trip to discovering who we are, and why we are here, is a particularly long and hard one, but with each friendship and tie we forge between each other, it becomes easier, more tangible, closer to us. Dragons are very true and pure beings, and if we ever lose focus of this, we lose focus on who we are, and who we will become. While I am hardly any mentor, I will gladly talk to or befriend anybody who wants to talk to me about draconity, what it means to be a dragon, or just to get to know another dragon, to have a friend who understands the struggle and the drive, who knows what it's like to see glimpses of your past in your dreams, and wake up crying to return. I know I for sure would greatly love to get to know more dragons on my journey.

EDIT: as I was browsing through my music files, I found an old song that I really sort of assiciate with all of this. I'll put the lyrics behind a cut

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November 2011

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